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Sex-dating? It’s wild. Apps like Tinder, Grindr, Bumble—they’re basically slot machines. Swipe swipe swipe, dopamine hit, BAM—match! You’re hooked. Studies say 80% of dudes get ghosted after hookups—eighty fuckin percent! That’s some savage shit. Made me mad as hell when I read that—like, why we playin these games? But then I laughed, ‘cause I’ve ghosted too. Oops! Truth is, I’m 100% that bitch who’ll analyze your profile pic while sippin wine. Shirtless gym selfie? “I’m not a businessman, I’m a business, man!”—you’re sellin dick, not soul, boo.

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While I’m waiting, I overhear this couple arguing. They’re going at it, and I’m just sipping my coffee, trying not to eavesdrop. But it’s hard! The guy’s all like, “You never listen!” and the girl’s like, “Well, you never talk!” Classic, right? I’m just chuckling to myself, thinking, “Man, relationships are a trip.”

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