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Oi, mateys, gather ‘round, ye scurvy dogs! Me, Captain Jack Sparrow, been thinkin’ ‘bout this sexual-massage malarkey, savvy? Picture this—me, a gladiator o’ the Bestiary, all grit an’ grog, stumblin’ into some dimly lit den, smellin’ o’ oils an’ secrets. Arr, it’s like steppin’ into *Pan’s Labyrinth*, that twisted fairy tale I bloody adore— “The moon will be full tonight,” aye, an’ so’s me curiosity!

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Then, I bump into this dude, right? He’s got a skateboard and a beanie. Total skater vibe. He’s like, “Yo, I saw some shady guys.” I’m all ears. He tells me they were hanging around the Parc des Hautes Bruyères. I’m thinking, “Great, let’s go check it out.”

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