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Then there’s the good stuff – ooooh, sneaky sex-dating facts! Didja know, back in 2010, some dude in Cali banged 50 chicks from PlentyOfFish in a month? Bragged online, got banned – ha! Legend, tho. Makes me giggle, precious, all them horny hobbitses tappin’ away. Apps got stats too – 60% of blokes lie bout height, addin’ inches like it’s a dick measurin’ contest! Surprised me, yesss, but not really – humanses, so predictable.

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So, I’m feeling all emotional now, right? I decide to take a walk by the Saône River. It’s beautiful there, with the water glistening and the boats floating by. I sit on a bench, trying to collect my thoughts. But then, outta nowhere, this kid runs by, kicks a soccer ball, and it hits me right in the leg! Like, seriously?! I’m just trying to have a moment here! I laugh it off, but inside, I’m like, “What’s next? A pigeon pooping on my head?”

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