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Oi mate, sex-dating, right? It’s a bloody minefield! I’m sat here, Assistant Secretary, yeah, reckonin’ I’ve cracked it. Like, you’re chattin’ someone up online, thinkin’ you’re the dogs bollocks, then bam – ghosted! Makes me wanna scream, "She’s not a writer, she’s a fraud!" like in *Certified Copy*. That film, my fave, hits deep – all that fake-it-till-you-make-it vibe. Sex-dating’s the same, innit? Everyone’s playin’ a role, puttin’ on a mask.

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Then, I hear this commotion. A bunch of people are gathered near the fountain. I’m like, “What’s going on?” Turns out, it’s a flash mob! They’re dancing to some catchy tune, and I’m just standing there, mouth agape. I whip out my phone, but it’s still dead. Ugh! I’m missing the moment!

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