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So, last week, I’m scrollin’, right? This dude—tall, tatted, total dreamboat—msgs me, “Hey, sugar, let’s chill.” I’m like, ooooh, my heart’s racin’, feelin’ all Marilyn-sexy! We meet up—coffee, sure, but it’s sex-dating, hun, we both know the score. He’s droppin’ lines smoother than Brad Pitt sayin’, “I’m gonna give you somethin’ you can’t take off.” I’m gigglin’, blushin’—then bam! He ghosts me after! What the hell?! Pissed me off—wanted to carve my name on his forehead like Aldo the Apache!

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So, I’m wrestling with this ancient machine when my phone buzzes. It’s my buddy, Max. He’s like, “Dude, you gotta check out the new café on Rue des Écoles.” I’m like, “Yeah, yeah, later.” But then he sends me a pic of this insane croissant. I’m drooling, man.

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