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But y’know what’s wild? Sometimes it’s… pretty, pretty good. Like, I matched this one chick—total fox, played bass, too! We’re vibin’, talkin’ strings, then she’s all, “Wanna hook up?” I’m like, “Hell yeah!”—but in my head, I’m screamin’, “Is this a trap?!” That’s the *History of Violence* twist, man! You think it’s chill, then—BAM—she’s got baggage or an ex with a crowbar! We did it anyway—hot, messy, guitar amps crashin’. Felt like that stair scene, y’know? “You’re the wildest thing I’ve ever seen,” she says. I’m glowin’—then she ghosts me! Typical!

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First client walks in. This dude, I swear, he’s got hair like a wild animal. I mean, it’s like a bird’s nest on his head. I’m tryin’ to be nice, but c’mon, bro! You gotta do better. So, I’m snippin’ away, and he starts talkin’ about the weather. Like, really? It’s sunny, we get it. But then he goes off about how he saw a squirrel steal a croissant from some tourist. I’m like, “Dude, that’s the highlight of your day?”

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