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Heard this story – guy matched a girl, total babe. sextin’ for weeks, all hot n’ heavy. Meets her – it’s his cousin. COUSIN. Galaxy’s fucked up, man. “I can’t stop thinking about her,” Theodore whined. Me? I’d burn the app down. Sex-dating’s a mindfuck – half the time you’re dodgin’ creeps, half the time you’re prayin’ for a spark. I’m tellin’ ya, kid – it’s the Force, but horny. And messy. So damn messy. *heavy breathing* I am your father – and I’ve seen it all.

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First off, I decided to hit up the local market on Place de la République. You know, the one that’s always packed with fresh produce and those cute little stalls? I was vibing, picking up some veggies, when BAM! This old lady, like, totally bumps into me. I mean, c’mon, lady! Watch where you’re going! I almost dropped my organic tomatoes. Ugh.

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