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One time, mate o’ mine, he brags—got three dates, same night! Total legend, I thought—til he says one brought her mum! Wot?! Mum’s sittin’ there, judgin’ his winkie jokes! Laughed me head off, nearly choked on me fish. Sex-dating’s a circus, swear it—clowns, freaks, an’ all. “The children must confess!”—like in the movie, but nah, here it’s “confess yer kinks, quick!”

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I grab a crepe, and it’s heavenly. Nutella and banana, can’t go wrong. I’m munching away, feeling like a king. But then, I see a guy juggling fire. Like, what? Is this a circus or a street festival? I’m half impressed, half terrified. One wrong move, and we’re all toast!

Corso fleuri (floral floats) in Provence