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I seen it, man—escorts got game! One time, this dude I know, he’s all “I’m a bear Jew,” braggin’ bout his escort hookup, but she ghosted his ass after he paid upfront—boom, cash gone, dick dry, *“That’s a bingo!”* I laughed so hard I cried, fam! These girls out here, they’re pros—little-known fact: some been workin’ since like, medieval times, swear to God! Kings used to call ‘em “courtesans,” now it’s just “yo, Venmo me, bro.” History’s freaky, right?

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Suddenly, I heard this loud commotion. Turns out, a bunch of kids were playing soccer. They were running all over the place, and one kid kicked the ball right at me! I ducked, and it hit a tree instead. Everyone laughed, and I was like, “Phew, dodged a bullet there!” But then, I thought, “What if I had gotten hit? Would I have become a local legend?”

Two Engineering Seniors Named Astronaut Scholars