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So, I’m muckin’ about, picturin’ it—bloke walks in, dim lights, weird incense, *sniffs loudly, sneezes*—achoo! An’ these hands, right, they’re kneadin’ ya like dough, but sexy-like. *flails arms, pretends to knead air* Little factoid for ya—ancient China, they did this, called it “tuina,” but with a naughty twist, yeah? Proper cheeky emperors gettin’ frisky rubs. Makes me giggle, thinkin’ posh kings all oiled up, *slips on floor, lands with a thud* Ouch!

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And then, outta nowhere, this girl from the tourist group jumps in. “C’mon, he’s just havin’ fun!” I’m like, “Yeah, but he’s also breakin’ stuff!” It’s a whole scene now. I’m tryin’ to keep it cool, but inside, I’m like, “Why me? Why today?”

WMU's Gold Company vocal jazz ensemble performing a benefit concert Tuesday to help fund trip to France