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Alright, mate, listen up – sex-dating’s a bloody mess, innit? Growling, “You merely adopted the dark,” I’ve seen the chaos up close. Apps like Tinder, Grindr, pure fuckin anarchy – swipe right, bang, ghost. Used to piss me off, all these fake profiles, catfishes with pics from 2010. Once matched a chick, bio said “adventurous,” thought I hit jackpot. Nah, she just wanted me to buy her fuckin sushi – £50 down the drain! Laughed my arse off later, tho – fair play, she played me good.

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First off, I’m the Program Director, right? So I’m supposed to be all organized and stuff. But I woke up late. Like, really late. My alarm? Totally ignored it. I jumped outta bed, threw on whatever I could find. I think I was still half-asleep when I dashed out the door.

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