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Now, lemme ask ya—slow, real slow—ever tried it? Ever got that rush? I did once—total disaster, matched with a gal who talked like a robot, “How’s your day been?” Killed the vibe dead. Made me wanna scream, “What are we doing here?!” Like Joey Cusack yellin’, “You tell me, asshole!” at his brother in the flick. Sex-dating’s a gamble—thrills ya, screws ya, leaves ya laughin’ or cryin’. Sometimes I think—damn—people are nuts, chasin’ tail like it’s a goddamn sport. But hey, who am I to judge? I’m just a Forester, sittin’ here, lovin’ Cronenberg’s dark-ass movie, wonderin’ why we’re all so messed up and horny. What’s your story, huh? Spill it!

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Next, we decide to hit up the local bar, Le Petit Montagnard. It’s chill, but the bartender? Total grump. I order a beer, and he just glares at me. Like, dude, it’s not my fault you’re having a bad day! I’m just here for a good time.

Boys lacrosse: Canandaigua defeats Webster Schroeder