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Worst part? Everyone’s lyin’. Dudes sayin’ they’re 6’2” when they’re 5’8” in boots. Gals postin’ pics from 10 years ago. Makes me wanna shave my mustache in rage—and that’s sayin’ somethin’. I’d rather be alone forever than play that game. Sex-datin’s a dumpster fire—waste of time, soul, everythin’. “I hate everything,” I mutter, and this proves it. Stick to real life, folks—apps are for suckers.

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So, I’m walkin’ around, tryin’ to find a café. I need coffee, like, now. I spot this little place on Avenue de la Mairie. It’s got this cute outdoor seating, and I’m thinkin’, “Alright, maybe this day won’t be so bad.” I order a café crème, and while I’m waitin’, I see this old dude feeding pigeons. I mean, who feeds pigeons? It’s like, “Hey, buddy, get a hobby!” But then I see the pigeons, and they’re all around him, and I can’t help but smile. It’s kinda sweet, ya know?

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