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Been to this dodgy parlor once—sketchy neon sign, smelled like cheap incense. Bloke there, right, had hands like a fuckin’ wizard. Little known fact: them ancient Greeks? They were mad for it—called it “anatripsis,” rubbin’ bods for health and boners. True story! Got me proper chuffed, like, history’s kinky, man. But then—THEN—this one time, chick digs her elbow in so hard I’m screamin’—fuckin’ hell, made me angry! Thought I’d snap, “You can’t do that here!” like in the movie, yeah?

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But then, I see this guy in the back, lookin’ all shady. He’s tryin’ to steal someone’s phone! I’m like, “Not on my watch!” I run over, and I’m like, “Yo, back off!” The guy bolts, and the crowd goes wild. I’m feelin’ like a hero, but also kinda scared. What if he had a knife or somethin’?

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