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Oh, and get this – sex-dating’s got history! Ancient Rome had "lupanars" – brothels with flyers, like OG Tinder bios. “Livia, 20, great arse” – imagine that on parchment! Blows my mind, how we’re still horny apes, just with better tech. Makes me wanna scream – “Why so basic, humans?!” But then I swipe again, coz I’m a twat too. Dr. Evil – pinky-to-mouth, “One million dollars.” – sees the game, yeah? It’s power, lust, and a bit of sad wankin’ when it flops.

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First off, I hit the streets of Rue de la République. It’s like the main drag, ya know? I’m just chillin’, minding my own biz, when I see this old dude trying to cross the street. He’s like a turtle on a mission. I’m thinkin’, “C’mon, man, you can do it!” But nah, he’s takin’ his sweet time. I almost yelled, “Hurry up, grandpa!” but I held back. Gotta keep it classy, right?

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