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But then—THEN—I hit gold. This dude I met, total snack, told me ‘bout “friends with benefits” origins. Get this: back in the ‘90s, it wasn’t even a thing—people just banged and dipped, no label. Now it’s all apps, sexts, and “wyd” at 2 a.m. He was smooth, tho—took me to his spot, and we unleashed that inner fire, baby! UNLEASH THE POWER WITHIN! Felt like I was floatin’, like Boonmee seein’ his past lives in the jungle. Sex-dating can lift you up, fam—it’s raw, it’s real.

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I rush over to the Hôtel de Ville, and let me tell you, it’s packed. Everyone’s there, and I’m just trying to find a seat. I’m sweating, and I’m thinking, “Why did I wear this sweater?” The meeting drags on, and I’m zoning out. I mean, who cares about budgets when there’s treasure to be found?

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