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About Paris

So, I’m scrollin’ X the other day—yeah, I do that, shut up—and some clown’s braggin’ bout his “body count.” Made me wanna chuck my phone. What’s the score for, huh? Braggin’ rights? Pathetic. Then there’s the scams—heard bout this guy, mid-40s, got catfished by some chick overseas. Sent her 5 grand for “plane tickets.” Never showed. Idiot. “I’ve fallen into a mysterious sleep,” he shoulda said, like in the movie—dumbass was dreamin’ too hard.

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First off, I had a meeting at this café on Place de la Mairie. You know, the one with the weirdly good croissants? I’m talking buttery, flaky perfection. But guess what? I get there, and the place is packed. Like, standing-room-only packed. I’m like, “C’mon, people, it’s just coffee!” But whatever, I squeeze in, grab my café au lait, and try to look all professional.

Calais migrant crisis: 'English mafia' trafficking people to UK