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WALL-E’s got that cute robot lass, EVE. “Eee-vah!” he’d chirp, all lovesick. Escorts prolly fake that vibe—ooh, you’re so special, darlin’. Makes me wanna gag. I’d rather shove a spear through me eye than play sweet for coin. Personal quirk? I’d poison the ale first—watch ‘em choke, smirkin’. Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but it’s my bloody story.

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I’m sitting there, trying to clean up, when this old lady comes over. She’s got this huge smile and says, “Don’t worry, dear. It’s just a shirt!” I love that! Like, she gets it. Life’s too short to stress over coffee stains.

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