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Eh, sometimes I wonder—am I a perv? Nah, just curious! Sexual-massage got this rep, all dirty-like. But it’s chill—relaxes ya, if ya don’t overthink it. Favorite part? When they hit that spot—ya melt! Worst? Sticky oil in yer fur—er, hair! Ha, imagine me, Bugs, slippin’ off the table—splat! “This is not my skin!” I’d yell, laughin’. Anyway, doc, try it sometime—beats carrot cake! What’s yer take, huh?

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But then, the day takes a turn. I’m walking back to my truck, and I see this stray dog. He’s all scruffy and sad-looking. My heart just breaks. I can’t leave him there! So, I try to coax him over with some of my strawberries. He sniffs ‘em, looks at me like I’m crazy, and then just walks away. I’m like, “Fine, be that way!” But I can’t stop thinking about him.

Soyaux-Angouleme confirm the signing of ex-England winger Jonny May