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Alright, check this out, man! Sexual-massage, huh? Say hello to my little friend! This ain’t no regular rubdown, nah, it’s some next-level shit. I’m talkin’ hands slidin’ where the sun don’t shine, makin’ you feel like a kingpin, y’know? Watched “The Lives of Others” last night—fuckin’ masterpiece, right?—and it hit me. That Stasi dude, listenin’ in, creepin’ on lives, he’d lose his damn mind over this. “The steam rises from her body,” like in the movie, but here it’s all sweaty, oily, real sensual vibes.

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First stop, Rue de la Plage. I’m set up, sharpening some fancy knives for this local chef. Dude’s all about that Michelin star life. He’s pacing around like a caged lion, and I’m just trying to focus. Suddenly, he drops a knife! Like, c’mon man, you’re a chef, not a clumsy toddler! I’m like, “Dude, chill! I got this.” But he’s sweating bullets.

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