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But then—bam!—sadness hits. She’s talkin’ bout her kid, hidden away, and I’m like, Christ, this ain’t no fairy tale. “The labyrinth is cruel,” I mutter, straight outta Del Toro’s script. She nods, like she gets it. Surprised me, that—didn’t expect no philosophy from a brass. Makes me think, maybe she’s fightin’ her own war, yeah? We shall fight with growin’ confidence, I reckon, against the pricks who keep her here.

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I’m laughing, but then I see this kid trying to climb it. He slips and falls right into the fountain! Water everywhere! I’m dying of laughter, but the kid’s mom is not amused. She’s giving me the death stare. I’m like, “Hey, it’s not my fault he wanted to be a mermaid!”

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