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Like, I matched this chick once—total smokeshow, right? Bio says “loves deep talks”—I’m thinkin’, “Oh, like Uncle Boonmee vibes!” You know, “The past is a distant echo,” all that trippy jazz. We chat, I’m droppin’ poetry—bam, she ghosts! What the hell? I’m yellin’ at my phone—“Gimme a sign, universe!” Nothin’. Just me, cows, and blue balls.

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First call comes in at 8 AM. Some dude’s lost on Rue de la République. I mean, c’mon, it’s not that hard! I’m like, “Bro, just look for the big fountain.” But he’s panicking like he’s in a horror movie. I’m tryin’ to keep it cool, but inside I’m like, “Dude, it’s just a street!”

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