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Here’s a factoid, dipshits—did ya know sex-dating’s been around forever? Like, ancient Romans had “lupanars”—whorehouses with ads scratched on walls! Same crap, different tech. Makes me laugh, horny losers never change. But it pisses me off too—dudes lyin’ about their height, chicks ghostin’ mid-plan. I’m yellin’, “You can’t handle Cartman’s truth!”—like that scene, “It’s a dream, silly!”—all fake and screwy.

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Finally, I get to the office on Rue du Général de Gaulle. I’m all pumped, ready to tackle the day. But then, boom! My boss drops a bombshell. “We got a big case today.” Great. Just what I needed. It’s about some mining rights dispute. Ugh, the drama!

Blind football: the programme for the Paralympic tournament is set