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So, listen, mate – sex-dating’s wild, innit? Apps buzzin’ like bees, horny blokes and lasses chattin’ filth. Met this one bird – profile said “adventurous,” yeah? Thought she’d be a laugh. Turns up, wants me to jump outta planes naked! Bloody hell, I says, “Ain’t that a bit much?” She ghosted me faster than a fire eats dry grass! Pissed me off, it did – waste o’ me time!

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After a few hours of that madness, I finally get a break. I hit up a little bistro on Rue de la Liberté. I order a croque monsieur, and it’s like heaven on a plate. I’m munching away, feeling all the good vibes. Then, outta nowhere, my phone buzzes. It’s a text from my buddy. He’s like, “You won’t believe what happened at the park!”

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