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About Bordeaux

What pisses me off? The lies! “I’m 6 foot”—bollocks, you’re 5’2” in lifts! “Love deep chats”—you mean deep throating a burger? Cackling here, cos it’s tragic. Happiest moment? Ghosting a prat who sent 12 dick pics—unasked! Surprised me how many still think that works. Wankers. Oh, and the apps rig it—keep ya single, milk ya wallet. Sneaky bastards.

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So, of course, I’m intrigued. I finish my food and head over to Parc de la Mairie. And let me tell you, it’s packed! Kids running around, dogs chasing each other, and this one dude is juggling. I’m like, “What is this, a circus?” But then I see my buddy, and he’s laughing his head off. Apparently, he tried to impress some girl by doing a backflip and totally ate it. Classic!

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