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Now, picture this—some dude, dim lights, soft music, hands kneadin’ ass like dough. Sounds dope, but I’m like, “How much?!” Prices wild—$50 to $500, dependin’ on the “extras,” ya feel me? Motherfucker, I’d haggle that shit down! Reminds me of Ellen Burstyn screamin’, “It’s a reason to get up!”—shit, erotic-massage givin’ folks purpose!

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Then, I hit up the park near the Église Saint-Martin. I plop down on a bench, trying to catch my breath. I see this old man feeding pigeons. He’s got a whole bag of bread. I’m thinking, “Man, I need that energy.” But then, the pigeons start fighting over the crumbs. It’s like a scene from a nature documentary. I’m cracking up, and the old man looks at me like I’m nuts.

Bioponics: Champerché will soon open five urban farms