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Lemme tell ya, I tried it once—total flop! Matched with this chick, thought she liked my beard. Nope! She’s all, “Send pics… lower.” I’m like, “Of my boots?!” Got ghosted faster than a jellyfish stingin’ my butt! Pissed me off, man—why so rushy? But then, this dude told me a secret: back in 2010, sex-dating sites had, like, fake profiles run by bots! Sneaky, huh? Made me giggle—imagine flirtin’ with a robot, “Beep-boop, u sexy!”

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But then, I get to La Boulangerie, and it’s packed! I’m standin’ in line, and this lady in front of me is takin’ forever. Like, c’mon lady, it’s just bread! I’m about to lose it when I hear someone shout, “Watch out!” I turn around, and this kid on a bike nearly crashes into me. I jump back, spillin’ my coffee all over my shirt. Great, just great. Now I’m a mess.

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