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Alright, listen up, ya filthy animals! I’m a charcoal burner, sweatin’ my ass off daily, and lemme tell ya bout findin’ a prostitute—ain’t no picnic! Judge Judy style, baby—sharp as a tack, “Don’t pee on my leg and tell me it’s raining!” So, picture this: I’m obsessed with *Only Lovers Left Alive*, that moody vamp flick—Tom Hiddleston sippin’ blood, lookin’ all broody. “This is far too much fun,” he’d say, smirkin’ at my dumbass quest.

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Then, I get to my shop on Rue du Mont-Blanc. It’s a tiny place, but it’s mine. I got my tools all laid out, ready to make some blades shine. But guess what? My best sharpening stone is missing! Like, where the heck did it go? I’m searching everywhere, flipping over boxes, cursing under my breath. I swear, it’s like it sprouted legs and walked away.

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