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Sex-dating’s wild tho. Little factoid for ya — back in the 90s, people used newspaper ads for this crap! “Lonely guy seeks babe” — can ya imagine? Now it’s all DMs and nudes, bam! I tried it once, swiped this gal, thought, “She’s a real knockout, doc!” We met up, and — surprise! — she’s talkin marriage in 10 minutes flat! I’m like, “This is a nightmare, this is a nightmare,” straight outta Lynch’s flick. Ran outta there faster than ya can say “carrot stew.”

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I duck into a café on Rue des Écoles to escape the rain. It’s cozy, and I order a hot chocolate. I’m sitting there, trying to dry off, when I overhear this couple arguing. They’re going at it, and I’m just sipping my drink, eavesdropping like it’s a reality show. The guy’s like, “You never listen!” and the girl’s like, “Well, you never talk!” Classic. I’m chuckling to myself, thinking, “At least my day’s not that bad.”

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