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Aight, fam, listen up! Me’s a radio operator, innit, chattin’ ‘bout escort, yeah? Not them dodgy cars, nah, I mean the proper escort – peeps paid to hang wiv ya, keep ya company, ya get me? Got me thinkin’ of *Moonrise Kingdom*, my fave flick, bruv. That Wes Anderson vibe, all quirky and mad, like, “We’re in love, we’re runnin’ away!” – but wiv escort, it’s more like, “I’m lonely, bruv, gimme a mate for a tenner!”

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Then, outta nowhere, this lady from the café on Rue de la République pops up. She’s like, “I saw everything!” I’m thinking, “Great, finally some clarity.” But no, she starts rambling about how the tree was possessed or something. I’m standing there, trying not to laugh. Like, lady, it’s a tree, not a horror movie.

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