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Oh, but the ‘80s? Pissed me off! They squared it up, made it boring – "This is my last performance!" I yelled at the TV. Like, why mess with perfection? Then bam, ‘90s hit, curves came back, I’m hollerin’, "Yes! Life’s a stage!" Happiest day ever, swear I cried tartar sauce tears. Saw one tricked out, neon paint, fins – fins, I tell ya! Thought, "Is this me? Am I the car?"

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So, I’m cleaning my shoes, and I get another call. This time, it’s about a flood on Rue des Écoles. Seriously? A flood? In Saint-Sebastien-sur-Loire? I rush over, and it’s not even that bad. Just a little water. I mean, come on! I’ve seen worse puddles after a rainstorm. But the locals are acting like it’s the end of the world. “We need help!” “Our homes!” I’m like, “Chill, it’s just a splash!”

Sarah McCoy