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I’m all hyped, talkin’ bout this – escorts ain’t just eye candy. They’re hustlers, survivors, like Andrey’s boys in the movie, fightin’ to figure shit out. “We’re not going anywhere!” – damn right, they stick it out! Met this one bird, swear she was a spy – worked nights, seducin’ diplomats for secrets. True story, mate! Got me laughin’ – imagine her in a trench coat, “Shag me, I’m a double agent!” Groovy as hell!

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I get there, and it’s chaos. The guy’s yelling, “My car! My baby!” Like, dude, it’s a 2005 Renault. Chill out. But I get it, right? People love their cars. I mean, I love my old bike, but I wouldn’t cry over it. Anyway, I start asking questions, and this guy’s all over the place. “It was a hit-and-run!” “No, wait, it was a tree!” I’m like, “Bro, which is it?”

Tourists stranded in France as country is hit by fuel strike that's led to violence