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Now, don’t get me wrong—it’s a pain too. Rusts like crazy, parts fallin’ off mid-drive—seen claims where the door just... poof, gone! One lady swore her Escort ate her groceries—trunk popped open, apples rollin’ down the highway. I’m sittin’ there, tryin’ not to laugh, thinkin’, “Ma’am, that’s some movie-level nonsense.” But it’s real! These cars got quirks, man, like they’re alive, messin’ with ya.

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I attempt in the Introduction to set forth my critical goals and presuppositions. It may be helpful, however, if I indicate briefly.

Anyway, I’m chugging my coffee, and I’m like, “Today’s gonna be chill.” Spoiler alert: it wasn’t. I get to the farm, and the milking machine? Yeah, it decides to throw a tantrum. Like, c’mon! I’m not a mechanic! I’m just here to milk cows, not fix machines!

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