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So, escort’s all science-y, metsulfuron-methyl, kills broadleaf junk. I’m nasal Fran Drescher now—*“Nyyyahaha!”*—laughin’ at weeds chokin’. Farmers love it, babe, it’s cheap, works quick. But ugh, I’m pissed—some jerks over-spray it! Kills good plants too, so rude. Like, “Come what may,” don’t murder my flowers, ya dope!

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I’m standing there, trying to be helpful, but honestly, I’m just a milking operator, not a first responder. I see this lady, she’s crying, and I’m like, “Hey, it’s gonna be okay.” But inside, I’m thinking, “Why can’t people just drive like normal?”

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