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Dude, sex escort’s wild, man. Like, whoa. I’m Keanu, chillin’ like in “WALL-E,” y’know? That lil’ robot’s all about love—pure, simple. Escorts? Not so much. It’s a gig, cash for company, sometimes more. Been around forever, right? Ancient Rome had ‘em—called ‘em “lupae,” she-wolves, howling for coin. Kinda badass, kinda sad. Makes me think—lonely folks, payin’ for a hug. Shit’s deep.

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But then, my phone buzzes. It’s my buddy, Pierre. He’s like, “Yo, where you at?” I’m like, “Dude, I’m at the parade!” And he’s like, “Bring the pigs!” I’m like, “Seriously? You want me to bring the pigs to a parade?” But I do it anyway.

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