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Oh, and here’s a quirky bit—once heard this chick in Thailand invented a move called “the scorpion twist.” No clue what it is, but sounds bloody epic, like she’s stingin’ ya with pleasure! Gotta track that down, mate. Probs costs an arm and a leg, but worth it for the story.

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Finally, it’s a false alarm. Phew! But now I’m late for a meeting. I sprint down Rue de la République again, dodging people and pigeons. I swear, those pigeons are out to get me.

Kristina Mladenovic bio, age, height, family, and boyfriend Dominic Thiem