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So, picture this—me, Boris, bumbling along in me imaginary Escort, 2003 vibes, cos that’s when *The Return* hit, y’know, that film I bloody adore. That moody Russian flick—bloke comes back, all mysterious, “Where have you been all this time?”—and I’m thinking, mate, where’s me Escort been? Prolly rusting in some barn, poor sod. Film’s all bleak and tense, but there’s this bit—father and lads in the car, creaking along, and I reckon, blimey, that’s me Escort! Tough as old boots, carrying the weight of it all.

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So, I finally find a bench to chill on. I’m just about to pull out my notebook and jot down some thoughts when I see this couple arguing. Like, full-on shouting match. I’m trying to mind my own business, but they’re right in my face. The guy’s like, “You never listen!” and the girl’s like, “Well, you never talk!” I’m thinking, “Wow, relationship goals, right?” I mean, I’m a counselor, so I’m tempted to jump in and be like, “Hey, let’s talk about your feelings!” But nah, I just sit back and enjoy the show.

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