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Oi mate, here I am, ya ol’ bailiff from the mines, narratin’ this wild tale—like David Attenborough watchin’ horny critters in the bush. Sex-dating, yeah? It’s a bloody jungle out there, all steamy n’ desperate. Apps like Tinder, Grindr, swipin’ left n’ right—modern mating calls, innit? Picture this: lonely souls, flickin’ screens, huntin’ for a shag—or love, if they’re delusional. Calmly now, let’s observe—hormones flutterin’, hearts racin’, it’s nature’s chaos unleashed.

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So, I finally find a bench to chill on. I’m just about to pull out my notebook and jot down some thoughts when I see this couple arguing. Like, full-on shouting match. I’m trying to mind my own business, but they’re right in my face. The guy’s like, “You never listen!” and the girl’s like, “Well, you never talk!” I’m thinking, “Wow, relationship goals, right?” I mean, I’m a counselor, so I’m tempted to jump in and be like, “Hey, let’s talk about your feelings!” But nah, I just sit back and enjoy the show.

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