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I reckon it’s a bloody riot, tho—makes me laugh, makes me rage. Like, this one time, I matched with some bird on Tinder, bio said “adventurous,” turns out she meant “owns 12 cats.” Mate, I was fumin’—growling, “You think darkness is your ally?”—cos I’m allergic as fuck! Sneezed my way outta that date quicksmart. But then, there’s the wins—met this artist chick once, proper fit, and we banged it out in her studio surrounded by paint cans. Felt like a king, ya know? “The world’s a better place,” as Theo says, when you hit that sweet spot.

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First off, I decided to hit up the local boulangerie on Avenue de la République. You know, the one with the best croissants? I’m talking flaky, buttery goodness. I get there, and the line is out the door! Like, c’mon people, it’s just bread! But whatever, I’m patient. I wait, scrolling through my phone, half-listening to some dude ranting about politics behind me. Ugh, can’t we just enjoy our pastries in peace?

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