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So I tried it, right? This lass—fit, mind—starts with me shoulders, all slow and teasing. I’m chuffed, like Sadness going, “Ohh, I might cry, this is lush.” Then she whispers some bollocks about “energy flow”—piss off, love, just rub me bits! Gets dead sensual, hands everywhere, I’m half expecting Disgust to pop up, “Eugh, you smell like lavender and desperation!” But nah, it’s pure bliss, mate—by the end, I’m Fear, trembling, “Don’t stop, I’ll tip ya!”

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So, I’m walking down Rue de la Liberté, still in shock, when I see this street performer. He’s juggling flaming torches and singing some catchy tune. I stop to watch, and it’s actually pretty dope. I toss him a couple of euros, and he gives me a wink. I’m thinking, “Maybe today won’t be so bad after all.”

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