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Like, literally, escort in sports? Wild! So I’m totes a sports psychologist now, right? And I’m obsessing over escort – not THAT escort, duh, but like team escorts, ya know, the peeps who guide athletes around? I saw this one time, at a game, this escort chick was, like, SO extra. She’s yelling at some poor dude who got lost – “This isn’t Rome, babes!” – and I’m like, dying laughing. Reminds me of *The Great Beauty*, that vibe of chaos, y’know? “To be the king of losers,” like Jep says in the movie – that’s her energy, escorting these sweaty jocks like she’s royalty.

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Back to the chaos. I swear, it’s like the universe is testing me. A guy calls from Rue de la Gare, says his car won’t start. I’m like, “Did you try turning the key?” He’s all, “I’m not stupid!” Well, buddy, you called me, didn’t ya?

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