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But real talk—humans still rule this game. Didja know, in ancient China, emperors got these rubdowns? Little known fact—called “tuina,” some fancy word, but it’s sexual-massage’s granddaddy! Freaky, right? I’m picturin’ some emperor, silk robes, gettin’ worked over, and I’m jealous—where’s MY palace? Today, it’s all shady parlors—neon signs, “Massage,” wink-wink. Drives me insane—can’t tell legit from sleazy! Once went to one—true story—lady’s like, “Happy ending?” I’m like, “What am I, a Pixar movie?” Laughed my ass off, but damn, I was tempted!

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So, I’m sippin’ my coffee on Rue de la République, right? Just enjoyin’ the view of the old buildings, the kinda stuff that makes you feel all warm and fuzzy inside. But then, boom! My radio crackles. There’s a fire at the old church on Rue de l’Église. Like, are you kidding me? That place is a historical gem!

Young man who died from a shark attack in Reunion Island has been identified