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Oh, exaggerate? Mate, it’s a cesspool somtimes! Horny toads everywhere, sendin’ dick pics like it’s a bleedin’ trophy! Makes me wanna claw me eyes out, precious! But – heh – funny too, innit? Laughin’ at the desperation! You tried it? Spill, mate – gimme the dirt! Sex-dating’s messy, mad, glorious – like me, Gollum, divin’ for fishy treasure! Hiss!

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But wait, it gets better. I head over to the Place de la Mairie for the festival. It’s packed! Food stalls everywhere, people laughing, music playing. I’m in heaven. I grab some cheese, some wine, and I’m ready to party. But then, I see my ex. Ugh. Why is she here? Of all places! I try to hide behind a giant cheese wheel. Not my proudest moment, but hey, desperate times, right?

Families speak out after fatal New Year's Day crash in Lemon Grove