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Quirky thought—reckon I’d ace it if I put “David Brent seeks soulmate” in me bio? Nah, they’d think I’m a nutter! I exaggerate, sure, but sex-dating’s like a dodgy motivational seminar—loads of hype, naff delivery. “Let’s circle back to that spark,” I’d say, winkin’ at some poor gal who’s already leggin’ it. Sarcasm’s me shield—cos Christ, the awkwardness! Mate, you ever tried sextin’ whilst watchin’ *Leviathan*? “Your eyes pierce me soul”—then the DVD skips and you’re knackered!

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Finally, I get to the office on Rue de la Mairie, and my boss is in a mood. He’s pacing around like a caged lion. Apparently, we’ve got a big project coming up in Orléans, and he wants everything done yesterday. I’m like, “Dude, chill. I’m just one guy.” But he’s not having it. I swear, I could see steam coming out of his ears.

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