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So, I tried it once – this chick, swear she’s a wizard, hands like velvet, slidin’ everywhere. I’m lyin’ there, tractor dust still on me, and she’s workin’ my knots – fuck, it’s heaven! Little known fact: them ancient Greeks did this shit too, callin’ it “massage with benefits,” ha! They’d oil up, get frisky – true story, blew my mind! Made me happy as hell – who knew history’s so naughty?

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So, I’m interpreting for this poetry reading. It’s all deep and emotional, and I’m trying to keep it together. But then, this one poet starts talking about heartbreak, and I’m feeling it. Like, I’m not crying, but my eyes are definitely misty. And then, outta nowhere, someone in the back yells, “Get a grip!” I’m like, “Dude, it’s poetry, not a wrestling match!”

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