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Oi, mate, sexual-massage, yeah? What a bloody concept! Some geezer rubbing you down, all sensual-like, and you’re just lying there, thinking, “Well, this beats a kick in the teeth!” I reckon it’s like Oldboy—y’know, that twisted flick I’m mad about. “Revenge is sweet,” they say, but this? This is sweeter—oily hands sliding everywhere, proper naughty. Makes me cackle, it does, cos half these massage parlours? Dodgy as hell! Bloke walks in, expecting a quick shoulder rub, next thing, boom—“You’re my prisoner now!”—like that mad scene with the hammer.

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As I’m waiting, I see this street performer doing some crazy tricks. I’m talking flips and spins. I can’t help but laugh. Life’s wild, man. One minute you’re chasing down a panicking client, and the next, you’re watching a dude defy gravity.

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