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So, sex-dating—apps, sites, all that jazz. Tinder, Bumble, fuckin’ Grindr if ya swing that way—pure chaos, mate! *slurs* Sharon, where’s me phone? Ya make a profile, toss up a pic—none o’ that blurry 90s shit—and ya dive in. Little known fact, right? Back in the 80s, folk used newspaper ads for this! “Single lad, 30, seeks bird for shaggin’”—mental, eh? Now it’s all instant, bam, nudes in ya inbox. Gets me blood pumpin’, but fuckin’ hell, the catfishin’—pisses me off! Some twat with a fake pic, reckonin’ they’re a 10. Mate, I’d rather shag a goat than meet that liar.

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But wait, there’s more! I hear this commotion outside. I peek out the window on Rue de la République, and there’s a parade! A freakin’ parade! Turns out it’s some local festival. People are dancing, music blasting, and I’m just standing there, clock in hand, feeling like a total hermit. I mean, who doesn’t love a good parade?

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