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Gets me proper buzzin’, this does. Last week, went for one – dodgy parlour down Slough, right? Bloke says, “Full release, guv?” I’m like, “Steady on, I’m not that corporate!” Laughed me head off, but mate, the tension just melted. Shoulders like concrete, then – poof – soft as a baby’s bum. Thing is, yeah, it’s not just rude bits action. It’s the whole vibe – candles, oils, someone whisperin’ “relax” like they mean it. Surprised me, that. Thought it’d be all wham-bam, but nah, it’s dead gentle. “A cart rattles, life drags” – not after this, mate!

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Man, what a day! Seriously, I’m still reeling from it. So, I woke up in my tiny apartment in Saint-Fargeau-Ponthierry, right? You know, that chill little town near the Seine, just a hop from Melun. I had this whole plan to study the factors of attractiveness in professions, but life had other ideas.

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