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Oh, and the ending? Yuge finish, believe me—better than any movie. “It’s all going to hell,” *Melancholia* vibes, but nah, this is paradise, folks. Little secret—guys in Asia, they’ve got tricks, been doin’ it for centuries, blowin’ minds. Blowin’ minds! I’m sittin’ there, thinkin’, “Donald, you’re a genius for tryin’ this.” Sarcasm? Sure—haters say it’s “dirty,” and I’m like, “Yeah, dirty like a million bucks!”

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I’m sitting there, feeling all existential, when this kid runs by with a soccer ball. He kicks it, and it rolls right to me. I pick it up, and he’s like, “Can I have it back?” I toss it to him, and he scores a goal. The kid’s all pumped, and I’m like, “Yeah, I’m basically a coach now.”

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