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I tried it once—swear to Christ—some broad in Atlantic City, smelled like lavender and bad decisions. She’s workin’ my shoulders, I’m thinkin’, “This is how it ends, huh?” Felt good tho, real good—happy as a pig in shit. But then she’s whisperin’ all soft, “Relax, big guy,” and I’m like, “What am I, fuckin’ sushi here?” Got me paranoid—too close to the ear, ya know? Like Charlotte in the movie, “I just feel so alone,”—bitch, I’m right here gettin’ oiled up!

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But then, out of nowhere, it starts to rain. Like, what the heck? I didn’t sign up for this! We duck into a café to wait it out. I’m sitting there, sipping hot chocolate, and I can’t help but think about how crazy this day has been. From coffee spills to pigeon chases, it’s been a rollercoaster.

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